{"id":900,"date":"2012-06-29T21:54:37","date_gmt":"2012-06-29T21:54:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/2012\/06\/29\/las-vegas-sucked\/"},"modified":"2012-06-29T21:54:37","modified_gmt":"2012-06-29T21:54:37","slug":"las-vegas-sucked","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/2012\/06\/29\/las-vegas-sucked\/","title":{"rendered":"Las Vegas Sucked"},"content":{"rendered":"


\nLas Vegas sucked. <\/p>\n

\tNot to brag (okay, to<\/em> brag); most of my extended trips find me winning a little, a medium amount or a lot of money. Go ahead and ask Skinny or Stickman who have been with me on so many trips to Atlantic City and Vegas and know the truth of how I have been doing. <\/p>\n

\tNot this time. <\/p>\n

\tI played for only three days and lost all but two sessions, doing four sessions per day of craps, taking the dice three times per session, and also playing one or two sessions of Pai Gow. One craps session win was spectacular — fourteen dollars. I had my fellow \u201cFive Horsemen\u201d to thank for that win. The other winning session was 10 times that much.<\/p>\n

\tMy smallest loss was 10 times that "big win" and my biggest loss was totally disgusting; enough to make a grown man (meaning me) cry, \u201cWhat the hell is going on?\u201d<\/p>\n

\tI played Tuesday and Wednesday with Skinny as Stickman had to go to a family reunion and Dominator and Nick@Night had to go home to get ready for their 4th of July vacations.<\/p>\n

\tSo last night I came home a complete and total loser.<\/p>\n

\tHow was my shot? It was good. There was one stretch where I was hot — I made a monstrous bet on the six, hit it immediately and thought I was on my way to a fabulous win. I sevened out right after that and slowly proceeded to get my buttocks kicked on my next two rolls.<\/p>\n

\tBut Vegas sucked not because I lost. I have lost before. Losing comes with the advantage-play territory. No, what got me was everything else. Nothing went right; nothing at all. It was a horror show. Now follow me on this.<\/p>\n

\tAfter three days of getting creamed; Skinny and I headed for McCarran Airport. As I was bending over to take off my sneakers on the security line I ripped a fart. I tried to cough to cover it up but to no avail. A little kid pointed to me, exposing me as the culprit. <\/p>\n

\tSkinny and I had a nice talk about this and that. One point we both pointed out was the point that no matter how good a player you become a beating can always happen.<\/p>\n

\tThen I got on the plane. I take Jet Blue, an airline I have come to love. I get those extra leg-room seats in the first six rows. I take flight 190, the flight where the pilot went berserk several months ago; the flight just before the flight that went bonkers because it had lost its hydraulic system and circled Vegas for four and one half hours in order to burn its fuel before landing. That flight was called the \u201cvomitorium.\u201d<\/p>\n

\tEveryone got on the plane and the doors were shut. The middle seat was empty and a really fat guy, far fatter than I ever was, had the window seat. I said hello. He said hello and put his headset on. <\/p>\n

\tThen the pilot announced, \u201cWe are going to leave right on time and get to New York about twenty minutes ahead of schedule.\u201d <\/p>\n

\tEveryone cheered.<\/p>\n

\tWe backed out of the gate. The plane stopped abruptly. The pilot got on the loudspeaker, \u201cI am sorry but we have engine trouble and we need the mechanics to look at it and make sure everything is all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\tEveryone moaned.<\/p>\n

\tI started to close my eyes. I wanted to take a nap and\u2026oh, for god\u2019s sake, the guy in the window seat just took off his dirty sneakers and discolored socks and he was now wiggling his hideous looking toes! His feet were filthy. I looked askance at him but he was too busy digging into his god-awful feet and he had no idea that I was shooting daggers at him. <\/p>\n

\tI thought about telling the stewardess but the one up front was quite uptight. She glared when she looked at you. I decided to just close my eyes.<\/p>\n

\tAbout 20 minutes later the pilot got on the loudspeaker, \u201cGood news! Everything is fine and we\u2019ll be taxiing to the runway now. We are about third in line. We should still be able to get to New York on time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\tEveryone cheered.<\/p>\n

\tThe pilot said on the loudspeaker, \u201cWe are now number two.\u201d<\/p>\n

\tThen some moron ploppy, moron jackass, ploppy idiot, cretin jerk gets up and walks to the bathroom; opens the door, closes it, locks it. The stewardess with the sour face gets on the loudspeaker, \u201cWe cannot take off until everyone is in their seats with their seat belts on.\u201d She waits a few moments. \u201cMaybe someone hasn\u2019t heard me. We cannot take off until everyone is in their seats. Does everyone hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\tA round of "Jesus Christs" rings throughout the plane.<\/p>\n

\tThe sour stewardess is now beside herself. \u201cWe cannot take off until everyone is in their seats. We cannot take off until everyone is in their seats. We cannot take off until everyone is in their seats!\u201d<\/p>\n

\tAnother stewardess comes up front and speaks to the sour stewardess, \u201cHe is okay. He just has to do a number two.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\u201cJesus Christ,\u201d say the three men in the seats in front of me, seats in the first row. These three guys were now trying to flirt with the sour stewardess who seemed to enjoy the attention. <\/p>\n

\tThe other stewardess smiled and announced to the passengers, \u201cWhen that guy comes out of the bathroom, let\u2019s all give him a round of applause.\u201d<\/p>\n

\tFifteen minutes later the guy comes out of the bathroom. The entire plane erupts into applause. The guy, a true dimwit, starts clapping too! He has no idea that we were all clapping for his idiocy.<\/p>\n

\tI slept most of the flight, that uncomfortable plane sleep, but every so often I\u2019d catch a glimpse of the fat guy picking at his bare feet. I turned and looked across the aisle. There was this girl all wrapped up in a sweater and woolen hat. She was skinny as could be.<\/p>\n

\tWe finally landed in New York, about 20 minutes late. Not so bad.<\/p>\n

\tI left the Jet Blue terminal and looked for my ride. It wasn\u2019t there. Car after car came to pick up passengers. But no car came for me. Finally I called the limo service and told them I was waiting for them at Kennedy airport. <\/p>\n

\tAfter four hundred years my car arrived. I was driven home, tired, unhappy, but truly glad to be home. I could get back to working on my novel.<\/p>\n

\tI went up the porch to open the outer door, the door I do not have a key to, the door the Beautiful AP must leave open for me to get in, now at 8:45 at night, the night she works the late shift in the library — and the damn door was locked; she had forgotten to unlock it. I couldn\u2019t get into my house, my home, my refuge from the horrors of a losing trip to Las Vegas; the horrors of the plane ride, the guy with the filthy toes, the guy who went to the crapper and the lateness of my car ride. The damn door was locked. <\/p>\n

\tI had a choice. I could seat out there for an hour and wait for her to come home, which would mean being eaten alive by mosquitoes, or I could call her and impress upon her that if she didn\u2019t leave work early and open the damn door for me I would go on a rampage. <\/p>\n

\tShe came home post haste.<\/p>\n

\tI finally got into my house. I looked at my beautiful wife and said, \u201cI lost. This is the worst trip I have had in the last ten years.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\u201cLet\u2019s go to bed,\u201d she said with that wonderful smile.<\/p>\n

\t\u201cMy pleasure,\u201d I said. \u201cMy pleasure.\u201d <\/p>\n

\tAll the awfulness was gone.<\/p>\n

\n

Replies:<\/h3>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Raging Baritone on June 29, 2012, 11:24 pm<\/p>\n

Frank this was almost as bad as Tunica.Glad it is over.Jack<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Stealthman on June 30, 2012, 4:21 am<\/p>\n

Must be the slight change in diet that has you off balance from your normal weird stuff that happens to you so often!<\/p>\n

\tI don’t care, keep up the diet. Your body will thank you mad thank you and thank you!!<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on June 30, 2012, 9:57 am<\/p>\n

I love your writing! You can take a plane trip and make it a fun story.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on June 30, 2012, 3:19 pm<\/p>\n

Loved this. You can take anything and make it interesting. You are number one! \ud83d\ude00<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on June 30, 2012, 7:04 pm<\/p>\n

Loved this post!<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Finisher on July 1, 2012, 3:45 am<\/p>\n

You should have let one go for every shoe he took off.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 1, 2012, 4:46 am<\/p>\n

That guy must have a twin because I had one do the same thing on a plane.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Dr Crapology on July 1, 2012, 11:22 am<\/p>\n

Frank, Alligator Rose and I have not had anything quite that disguesting, but it seems that when we fly to Vegas we always get the loud drinking jerk who keeps me from getting my beauty sleep on the plane. They seem to always sit right behing us. The same happened on the way back this time. It drove me crazy. <\/p>\n

\tRemember the movie with John Candy and Steve Martin when Candy’s character was sitting on the plane next to Martin’s character and Candy was picking his nose and wiping it on the arm rest? Unfortunately these people do exist.<\/p>\n

\tA fun read. Always enjoy your crazy adventures!!!<\/p>\n

\tDoc<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 1, 2012, 12:58 pm<\/p>\n

Fun read Frank, <\/p>\n

\tIt is always fun reading about your weeked mishaps. Atleast you didn’t get kicked out of Vegas \ud83d\ude09 <\/p>\n

\tFlat Foot<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Posted by:<\/strong> Stickman on July 1, 2012, 2:24 pm<\/p>\n

Frank et al,<\/p>\n

\tSorry I could not have been with the rest of the Five Horsemen. The family reunion went very well (much better, apparently than your stay). Additionally, I did get to watch the Twins lose to the Kansas City Royals in thier new stadium – which is a very impressive structure. <\/p>\n

\tNext time we will get those rotten casinos in Las Vegas!<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Posted by:<\/strong> SectionEight on July 2, 2012, 7:01 am<\/p>\n

Franks, sorry to hear of your Vegas trip troubles…..but I’m still in tears on the flatulence…… \ud83d\ude06 <\/p>\n

\tTickles the funny bone every time……<\/p>\n

\tSE<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 2, 2012, 1:37 pm<\/p>\n

Great trip report for a rotten trip.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 2, 2012, 2:21 pm<\/p>\n

A riot. Great post as always.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 2, 2012, 3:45 pm<\/p>\n

Your critics say you don’t ever write about your losses. I have read your books and this site and I know you tell it like it is – the good and the bad. This was a really enjoyable post.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 2, 2012, 5:35 pm<\/p>\n

I too have had the guy with the dirty feet. Why do slobs think they can reveal these disgusting things in public? Doesn’t this violate some health code?<\/p>\n

\tA great post Frank.<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 2, 2012, 7:23 pm<\/p>\n

Sorry you had such a bad time but your bad time has become my enjoyment in reading about it. I don’t wish you many more but should you have more please don’t hesitate to share them with us.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 2, 2012, 9:57 pm<\/p>\n

Your pain is our gain! \ud83d\ude06<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 3, 2012, 12:22 am<\/p>\n

Great Fun Frank! I laughed from beginning to end! I’m sure you next trip with be a winner and much more fun.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 3, 2012, 1:49 pm<\/p>\n

You are probably better off on a plane not looking around and keeping yur ears plugged. I am beginning to think that is the only way to fly.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 5, 2012, 10:16 pm<\/p>\n

The next trip is the 10th anniversary so you should have fun no matter what happens. I hope! \ud83d\ude00<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> fscobe on July 6, 2012, 9:22 am<\/p>\n

If you think about it, these things happen to everybody. I think for me I take strong note of them and then the next day or so I write them up. It only seems<\/em> as if I have more of these than others do but I actually don’t think that is the case. Dom has some horror stories because he is flying once or twice a month but he rarely writes them down. I hear them when he calls me.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 7, 2012, 10:45 am<\/p>\n

No matter whether good or bad just keep writing about everything. I think most of us love to read your stuff.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Cmcierra on July 7, 2012, 1:16 pm<\/p>\n

Frank, great story. Keep them coming! \ud83d\ude06<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on July 7, 2012, 8:37 pm<\/p>\n

Loved this!<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Las Vegas sucked. Not to brag (okay, to brag); most of my extended trips find me winning a little, a medium amount or a lot of money. Go ahead and ask Skinny or Stickman who have been with me on…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-craps"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=900"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/900\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}