\nWhy I Like Retirement!<\/p>\n
\tQuestion: How many days in a week?
\n\tAnswer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday <\/p>\n
\tQuestion: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
\n\tAnswer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. <\/p>\n
\n\tQuestion: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
\n\tAnswer: Only one, but it might take all day. <\/p>\n
\tQuestion: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
\n\tAnswer: There is not enough time to get everything done. <\/p>\n
\n\tQuestion: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
\n\tAnswer: The term comes with a 10% discount. <\/p>\n
\tQuestion: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
\n\tAnswer: Tied shoes. <\/p>\n
\n\tQuestion: Why do retirees count pennies?
\n\tAnswer: They are the only ones who have the time. <\/p>\n
\tQuestion: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
\n\tAnswer: NUTS! <\/p>\n
\n\tQuestion: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
\n\tAnswer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. <\/p>\n
\tQuestion: What do retirees call a long lunch?
\n\tAnswer: Normal<\/p>\n
\tQuestion: What is the best way to describe retirement?
\n\tAnswer: The never ending Coffee Break. <\/p>\n
\n\tQuestion: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
\n\tAnswer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. <\/p>\n
\tQuestion: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
\n\tAnswer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. <\/p>\n
\n\tAnd, my very favourite…. <\/p>\n
\tQUESTION: What do you do all week?
\n\tAnswer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING….. Saturday & Sunday, I rest. <\/p>\n
\n\tSERENITY<\/p>\n
\n\tJust before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
\n\t‘How old was your husband?’ ’98,’ she replied….
\n\t‘Two years older than me’
\n\t‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented..
\n\tShe responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?<\/p>\n
\n\tReporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
\n\t‘And what do you think is the best thing
\n\tabout being 104?’ the reporter asked…
\n\tShe simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’<\/p>\n
\n\tThe nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.<\/p>\n
\n\tI’ve sure gotten old!
\n\tI’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
\n\tnew knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
\n\tI’m half blind,
\n\tcan’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
\n\ttake 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
\n\tHave bouts with dementia.
\n\tHave poor circulation;
\n\thardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
\n\tCan’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
\n\tHave lost all my friends.
\n\tBut, thank God,
\n\tI still have my driver’s license.<\/p>\n
\n\tI feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
\n\tI decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
\n\tI bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on,
\n\tthe class was over.<\/p>\n
\n\tAn elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
\n\tFirst, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart
\n\t‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed.
\n\t‘Why Wal-Mart?’
\n\t‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week’<\/p>\n
\n\tMy memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
\n\tAlso, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.<\/p>\n
\n\tKnow how to prevent sagging?
\n\tJust eat till the wrinkles fill out.<\/p>\n
\n\tIt’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.<\/p>\n
\n\tThese days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
\n\t‘For fast relief.’<\/p>\n
\n\tTHE SENILITY PRAYER :
\n\tGrant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
\n\tthe good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
\n\tthe eyesight to tell the difference.<\/p>\n
\tNow, I think you’re supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are! <\/p>\n
\tAlways Remember This:
\n\tYou don’t stop laughing because you grow old,
\n\tYou grow old because you stop laughing!<\/p>\n
Posted by:<\/strong> CC Roller on June 19, 2013, 3:31 am<\/p>\n \tThose are great. But as a Canadian we have to change # 7 (or was is 6??) to nickels. We do not have pennies any more.<\/p>\n \tCC Roller<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Why I Like Retirement! Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4719","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4719"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4719\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4719"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4719"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4719"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}