{"id":1557,"date":"2012-10-08T15:46:59","date_gmt":"2012-10-08T15:46:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/2012\/10\/08\/wife-from-hell\/"},"modified":"2012-10-08T15:46:59","modified_gmt":"2012-10-08T15:46:59","slug":"wife-from-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/2012\/10\/08\/wife-from-hell\/","title":{"rendered":"WIFE FROM HELL"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!-- Original Post Content --><br \/>\nA police officer pulls over a speeding car.<br \/>\n\tThe officer says,&#8217; I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\tThe driver says,  &#8216;Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; <br \/>\n\t perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating<\/p>\n<p>\t Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:<br \/>\n\t &#8216;Now don&#8217;t be silly, dear &#8212; you know that this car doesn&#8217;t have cruise <br \/>\n\t control.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\tAs the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife <br \/>\n\t and growls,&#8217;Can&#8217;t you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\tThe wife smiles demurely and says,<br \/>\n\t&#8216;Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it <br \/>\n\t did or your speed would have been higher.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\t As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector <br \/>\n\t unit,the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,<br \/>\n\t &#8216;Woman, can&#8217;t you keep your mouth shut?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\t The officer frowns and says,<br \/>\n\t &#8216;And I notice that you&#8217;re not wearing your seat belt, sir.<\/p>\n<p>\tThat&#8217;s an automatic fine.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\t The driver says,<br \/>\n\t &#8216;Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you <br \/>\n\t pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\tThe wife says,<br \/>\n\t &#8216;Now, dear, you know very well that you didn&#8217;t have your seat belt on. <br \/>\n\t You never wear your seat belt when you&#8217;re driving.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\t And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver <br \/>\n\t turns to his wife and barks,&#8217; WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\t The officer looks over at the woman and asks,<br \/>\n\t &#8216;Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma&#8217;am?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>\t&#8216;Only when he&#8217;s been drinking&#8217;<\/p>\n<hr>\n<h3>Replies:<\/h3>\n<div class=\"migrated-reply\" style=\"border: 1px solid #eee;padding: 15px;margin-bottom: 15px;border-radius: 5px\">\n<p><strong>Posted by:<\/strong> Guest on October 8, 2012, 4:30 pm<\/p>\n<div>RICK K, please stop writing about my wife. take her, please.  \ud83d\ude06  \ud83d\ude06  \ud83d\ude06 jaim.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,&#8217; I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.&#8217; The driver says, &#8216;Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating Not&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1557","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1557","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1557"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1557\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1557"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1557"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forumarchives.tmsites.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1557"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}