Advice from a handyman
Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.” Replies:…
TEN (10) THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU
1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to say the letter “P” without separating your lips. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7)…
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can’t count your hair. 2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap. 3) You can’t breathe when your tongue is out. Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person! Replies: No replies were posted for this…
Social Security
A friend sent me this one. Enjoy it. Noah After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked…
Punography
[list]· I tried to catch some fog. I mist. · When chemists die, they barium. · Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. · A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. · I…
The Blind Cowboy
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake… He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you…
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this…
A wise person once said:
1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having…
3 High Steel workers
One day 3 high steel workers were perched on a girder about ready to have lunch. The first one opens his lunch pail and pulls out a bologna sandwich. "Bologna again", he groans. "I swear my wife is trying to…