4 :00 – Twenty one hundred gun salute
4:15 – Clean up of bodies hit by the real bullets that were fired
4:30 – Moment of prayer for gays and lesbians who are going straight to hell when they die
4:45 – Food break brought to you by Chick-fil-A
5:00 – Documentary on why it is okay to strap a gay to a truck in Texas and drag him to death
5:15 – All blacks will be stopped and frisked
5:30 – Anyone making less than 75K will be asked to leave the convention
5:45 – Entertainment by the Neo-Nazi Marching Band
5:15 – Search for Jews to be thrown out of convention
6:30 – A Singing of Our National Anthem with another 21 gun salute
6:45 – Clean up of bodies hit by bullets during 21 gun salute
7:00 – Guest speaker George W. Bush
7:30 – Wake up call for all who fell asleep during Bush’s speech
7:45 – Sarah Palin on "Why it’s not okay for your daughter to get pregnant outside of marriage but it is okay for my daughter."
8:00 – John McCain in an arm lifting exercise
8:15 – Call for death penalty for anyone on Food Stamps
8:30 – Hand vote on whether we should go back to the Jim Crow laws
8:45 – Dick Cheney speech, "My daughter is gay – that bitch!"
9:00 – Why we should torture everyone at Gitmo
9:15 – Mrs. Romney riding her horse on stage and waving
9:30 – Release of illegal immigrants onto the stage to be shot by a third 21 gun salute
10:00 – Introduction of Mitt Romney as he steps over the bodies of illegal immigrants
10:05 – Mitt Romney says, "Fuck anyone who wants to see my taxes!"
10:30 – Mitt Romney nominated unanimously

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